emacity

it's true. i think i failed as a sister.

i had thoughts about coming home when i was in perth - my brother ignoring me, not talking to me, no matter how much i try to persuade him. it's all true. i'm back at home, my bro's ignoring me, not talking to me, making snide remarks that kills me inside.

i knew it was going to be like this. i knew it. i keep trying to find opportunities to talk to him - little comments, but he's still does not care.

i want to go now. i can't live like this. it's like, i'm always at the losing end. i hate being at the losing end. i tolerate. i always do even when it hurts so bad. i'm losing the battle. i think, i'm losing my brother.

he's going to regret when he gets older. he will. not speaking to my parents, not even to me. hmm, what a happy family eh. what can i do? siblings quarrel and make up. my bro and i, quarrel and that's it. he's not talking to me. it's been 4 long months, he hasn't even called me "jie" once.

i failed. but i'm not giving up yet. one day, he'll come to realise.

so many things had happened, my grandmother, my dad, my grandfather, friends, has he not made up his mind that life is too short to be taking it too seriously? has he not noticed the love around him? has he not matured enough to realise that we are all human beings and we all have feelings just like him?

no matter what monetary rewards or gifts that we receive, nothing can ever replace something as free as love for one another. what good does it bring if you have riches and possessions but have no one to share it with?

this is not a good time. augustine, who do you have to go? it's surreal. i am still not believing it. are you sure you're not playing another prank? another "satay"? another "what if"? you're still playing a game right? you're gonna open your eyes and tell us that you are playing a game right? please say that you're just pranking us.

what about sherlyn? what is she going to do? i'm really worried for her. i hope she eats and rests well too. i feel so useless that i can't be there for her. it's not going to be easy.

augustine, wherever you are, up in the heavens, please keep safe. rest well. you're gonna be in the happiest state.

it's been a tough 2 weeks. i don't know if it can be considered tough. i don't think it really is. i realised something that i have been denying all these years. like i said, roller emotions.